Every smartphone user has their frequently used emoji line up.
🤣 : This used to be first on mine. It no longer is, but its relegation to the second line reminds me that I have reduced my dash of humor to life and living.
I said reduced, thankfully, not erased.
😂: because this is now first on my lineup.
I am thankful I can still laugh, I am afraid of a humorless life, honest.
🌹❤️: This two top the list. I leave that rose for light, and the heart emoji for love. I leave the rose emoji when I do not want to type the yoruba word in full – Ire.
🤔😒🤨: these are the three that have me concerned. I am not sure I knew they existed years ago, but I find them now on my frequently used emoji list.
Dey don run me streets.
Dey: This is a community of all the elements, that make you ponder how you ever hurried to adulthood as a child.
I want to say adulthood is a scam.
But its such a shortcut thing to do, boring and cliche. It also is a tad disrespectful to the learnings, achievements and wisdom that the years have brought you.
Especially, the wisdom.
The wisdom is kind, and sometimes wicked.
Because it is ushered in by an awakening, this confrontation of your existence, purpose, past traumas, that leaves you with the anxiety of one who has jumped off a cliff.
That leaves you swinging like the red cylindrical hanging bags in the backyard of a kickboxer.
As you try to catch your breath, you are given another drawing board. And if having to confront life on a drawing board, work on a drawing board —at the same time, is not wicked. Then I don’t have an adjective for it.
Yet, you grip it firmly in both hands, because it will bring wisdom, and as they say, in all your getting, get wisdom.
I have a day marked out weekly to give back my time at a community radio close to me. On one of those days, I interviewed a mental health practitioner who announced that the Covid and its attacks on not just people but their incomes, have caused a spike in the global number of people dealing with depression and anxiety.
Off your mic.
It is what I wanted to shout, but how do you tell that to a guest who has taken off an hour off their schedule to come and sit with you in a studio.
I’ve had to confront my life as I knew it. (Again)
And then the Covid had hit my business at the time we were just beginning to break even and balance out. While at it, my DSLR broke, completely and beyond repair. It was my first and very precious, the mother who birthed all the other equipments I subsequently purchased.
One of the biggest income came from providing a physical service to Corporate Organizations.
“We really like Webinars now, even after restrictions have lifted, but we will see how it goes.”
I knew what the last line meant, so I hit the drawing board again, remapping strategies with the other services. It was a rollercoaster at first, but the waters are calming. Wheeeew!
I am trying not to pay attention to the screams of a third wave. Because wisdom is here, and somehow, somehow, my shoulders are broader.
I hit this song on my playlist often; Obim deere du.
Back to life.
Things, People, Places, Interests…things are not the same.
More people bore me these days. I took my annual unplug/fast from social media recently. I didn’t miss a lot. In fact it reminds me of years ago, when I was nearly addicted to Twitter and after an unplug, I never really got back to it with the same zest.
I don’t want to have mundane conversations. I don’t want to have chats where I am told that the talk is too deep. I don’t want to have hypocritical talks, where every other log is pointed out except the one in our eyes. I don’t want to watch what I type, afraid to share lofty ambitions and be told that it is too much.
I don’t want to go to places that drain my spirit. Places where oxygen is replaced with toxicity, because do you not know what that means? To breathe in all of that?
Things. I told a friend that I didn’t do certain things anymore and I was afraid I was becoming one of those unplayful aunties. He shared the full version of the Desiderata with me, it was such a good watch! I had only known it in clips and excerpts. My best line: Take kindly the council of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. You can watch it here.
My dreams at night are more intense than I remember. Even more than the time I found a way to semi-spook my editor by getting some of them into my debut novel. They are laden with meaning, but make no mistakes, they are welcome.
I am more aware of my mortality, but not in a fearful way. I am aware of it in a way that reiterates that we are here today and tomorrow we are not. This makes me stubbornly intentional about my living. I want no part of an existence that is controlled by a person, situation or circumstance in such a manner that is self sabotaging to me —and I do not hide or apologise for not wanting it.
I’ve been lying on my mat, resting from some fitness routines. I play music sometimes, most times, Sadguru videos are plugged to my headphones. I like them, alot.
I found them in my search for a spirituality much more than all I had known all my life, just as I discovered even more. Perhaps, I can write on that another day, I think the soreness has faded and I can stand up now.
Things are not the same, and these endorphins are priceless.
Afternotes: Ebook lovers, Mmirinzo has hit the Amazon kindle store! (You heard it here first😉). It’s raining at Mmirinzo e-book.